By now, everyone--even the Taliban--knows the final score in Super Bowl XLIIII--and should have read Dan Henninger's delightful tribute to the Super Bowl in Thursday's WSJ. But the real back-story, reported exclusively by The Onion, was not picked up in major media: The Big Game only went ahead because last-minute diplomatic negotiations failed to resolve the dispute between the Indianapolis Colts & the New Orleans Saints amicably, that is, without Sunday's violence.
The sticking point over which the talks broke down? What else: the final score. Alas, the two teams simply could not agree. So what can be done for next year, to peaceably resolve Super Bowl XLV? Two proposals....
Alternative A: Abolish the sudden-death overtime rule and have the teams agree to a medium-scoring tie. This settles things without injuring offensive or defensive unit pride.
Alternative B: Pick out a final score by random lottery drawing. Then award a Lombardi Trophy to each team, on the grounds that the losers are just as good people as the winners.
A Personal Note. While attending the University of Miami I went to two Super Bowls, SB II (Green Bay Packers 33, Oakland Raiders 14) & SB III (New York Jets 16, Baltimore Colts 7). Yes, I actually attended the most famous Super Bowl of them all. The (then-still Baltimore) Colts would have been happy to negotiate a tie--once they knew the final result.
And a Warning: Don't tell any of this to Vince Lombardi....
Letter from the Capitol, LFTC
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